Wednesday, August 16, 2006

And What Did You Bring?

I believe very strongly in giving credit where credit is due. And the fact is, we all owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Justin Timberlake. Justin's new single, SexyBack, which can be heard on his myspace page, for those of you with a hankering for ear punishment, is one of the worst singles to come out so far this year (only slightly ahead of Fergie's London Bridge for that honor). In it, Mr. Timberlake boasts "I'm bringing sexy back." Apparently sexy went missing, and no one but Justin was able to bring it back. That's right. Were it not for Justin, all of us would have remained sexyless, many of us without even knowing it.

So what if the song is a mess of muffled distorted vocals, lack of melody, inane and repetitive lyrics and a beat ripped off from Britney Spears's I'm A Slave 4U and recent Nelly Furtado? The man brought sexy back! Singlehandedly. Sure, Jonas Salk invented a vaccine for polio, the Wright Brothers discovered flight and Ronald Reagan popularized jelly beans, but were any of them able to bring sexy back, let alone sexyback? No! Did any of them even think to attempt to bring sexy back? Therein lies the genius of Justin.

No longer just the standard-bearer for pre-fabricated inoffensive bubblegum boy band pop, or one of the notorious participants in Nipplegate at the 2004 Superbowl, or Britney's ex, Justin Timberlake will now forever be known as the man who, in an act of pure selflessness, with no concern for musicality whatsoever, brought sexy back for us all.

It makes whatever else the rest of us might ever do pale in comparison. Can you imagine being at a party with Justin Timberlake now?

Justin: So what did you bring to the party?
You: I brought cheese and muffins. And you?
Justin: Oh, I brought sexy back.
You: You did?!!? Where did it go?
Justin: I don't know, but I brought it back.
You (looking down forlornly at your cheese and muffins): Wow. You brought back something extinct!
Justin: Nice muffins.

Next, I am hoping Justin is willing to work his magic again and bring back some other extinct things:

The Dodo Bird
Woolly Mammoths
Receding hairlines
A safe world

How bout it, JT?

15 comments:

Jack's Shack said...

JT makes my head ache.

tafka PP said...

Well I'll always take muffins over Justin- my 14 year old cousin might disagree with me, but that's her problem. He's produced one deserving hit, and even that had a ripped-off title...

And N Furtado's latest "song" should also have been banned: What a pile of regurgitated pointless nonsense.

Rebecca said...

yeah I don't particularly like that song either. It's sad about fergie because she has an amazing voice and I was hoping for something great when they said she would have her own song. oh well.

Elster said...

I have never heard the song, nor do I ever plan to. Thanks to you McA. See how much help you bring to the world through your blog?

Now, if you would only get rid of that pesky word verification.....

Stacey said...

ROFLMAO!!

I just heard this POA song yesterday and I could NOT believe what I was hearing. Oy, people can say what they want about the 70's (where I am stuck!) but this is pure drivel!

Stacey said...

P.S. I love word verification. I vote you keep it! (I always try to come up with sentences having words that start w/the letters).

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Jason Spitz's "Cry Me A River" song is so much better than Justin Timberlake's.

MC Aryeh said...

Jack - You are not alone.

TAFKAP - Score one for muffins! Which songs of JT and Nelly are you referring to - Cry Me A River and Promiscuous?

Rebecca- Maybe Fergie will redeem herself with her next single. Her entire album can't be rap, right?

Elster - Consider it a public service. If I can prevent just one person from hearing this song (though I did provide a link to it - oops...).

Stacey - I'm with you on the word verification. I don't know what happened to music. When did it start sucking? Maybe "Baby Got Back"?

Steg - YOUR Cry Me A River song is so much better than Justin's. So is mine...

Eshet Chayil said...

Wow...I'm out of the loop. I didn't even know you were posting again...I'm always late...lol

Mimi said...

I haven't heard the song, but this...was hysterical.

It's good point out the insanity in the songs of our society.

Laughing out loud.

tafka PP said...

Absolutely - Cry Me a River. Re NT's offering, I thought it was called "Maneater"- her latest one that's on the radio here a lot. (I've started driving around to tapes again as a result!)

MC Aryeh said...

Eshet- Just started up again, so you didn't really miss a thing...

Mimi- Thanks for stopping by and for your comment.

TAFKAPP- "Maneater" is following "Promiscuous" in the U.S. as her second single from the album, but in Europe and Asia the order was reversed, so "Promiscuous" will be next for you. You may want to stick with the tapes for a while longer...

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Ben said...

I like your tongue in cheek comments.I am a JT fan I just hope I get to meet JT at a party.
Israeli Uncensored News

Nancy said...

I do not like JT much - but I understand the wit and spirit with which this post has been written!! I would love to bring back a lot of extinct things viz, music cassettes, school blackboards, laughter.

This is Nancy from Israeli Uncensored News